The Future Is Doom
by HideousBlob
Summary: He would have been doomed if the past version of Gaz had taken issue with him kidnapping her brother. She was so much smaller back then! Er, back now! She was just Zim's size. That would not have made her less formidable as an opponent, however.
1. Zim Starts His Mission

A/N: I needed a break from the other things I'm writing, so I found this old fic I wrote and started toying with it. This chapter here was written in 2011, chapter 2 was written this week. I did not make any edits or tweaks to this old chapter, there are a few things I could have changed but it wasn't too bad and I thought I might as well not waste any time in getting to new content.

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_But now it's over and done_

_'cause that was yesterday and yesterday's gone_

~Chad and Jeremy, 'Yesterday's Gone'

**3/21/03**

_7:52 AM_

It was a happy day! It was a happy day because the sky was blue, GIR existed, and the pointy-teeth men weren't peeking out at him from behind things today. Sometimes the pointy-teeth men were there and sometimes they weren't. And sometimes the pointy-teeth men were flying squirrels instead, and then they'd give GIR rides on their backs to lands unknown. But today there was no one on the street but GIR, and GIR was going to the skool because... because... because of the piece of paper he was holding. The paper had told him to go to the skool! The paper wanted GIR to take it to the skool and give it to the ** N.** And GIR would obey!

He went across the street. A car swerved past him as he went. He waited to see if it would stop and come back to play with him, but it didn't. How rude.

GIR went onto the street, making his favorite music aloud to himself. Then he heard footsteps approaching. GIR turned, expecting one of the squirrels. But it was Master!

"Hi!" GIR said.

Master stopped a few feet away, swallowing. His eyes were really big, like a deer's.

"You teleported!" GIR concluded, since Master had approached in the opposite direction from the base where GIR had left him.

Master swallowed again, glanced over each shoulder, and said: "Eh- yes, yes, of course. GIR." He fell silent. He rubbed the back of his neck, baring his teeth and staring at GIR. GIR twirled to show off more of his bodacious body.

Master cleared his throat, looking GIR up and down with a funny look on his face. He straightened his back, scowling. "I, uh, came to tell you that you won't need to give that note to the skool after all, GIR. I've decided not to go for supplies today after all. Give me that note." He held his hand out for it.

This jangled in GIR's brain. "But the paper wants me to give it to the DARK WOMAN!"

Master blinked a few times. "Er- okay. Okay, _I'll_ give it to the dark woman."

That was just fine, GIR didn't even like the skool. "Okay!" he said, and handed over the paper. Master put it in his funny-lookin' backpack.

"Okay, good work, GIR."

GIR's mind abruptly and without warning went completely blank. He stared at nothing. Master folded his arms over his chest, cupping his elbows in his hands.

"Now go on home, GIR. Shoo." Master's eyes went wide, and he shook his head. "Er, no. Don't go home! I, ehh..." He rocked back and forth. "Why don't you go... er... watch the... city cesspool for signs of..." He wiggled the fingers of one hand. "...resistance."

"Okay!" GIR said. He was planning to spend the day with Pig and fully intended to ignore whatever orders to the contrary Master might give him, but whatever. He raced off.

"Bye, GIR!" Master called, waving.

GIR didn't answer. He'd caught sight of a magical blue turkey down the street and was running to catch it before it got away.

_8:06 AM_

The view out the window looked particularly desolate today. It had rained recently and outside there was a faint wet-dead-thing-and-worm smell.

"Today, class," Miss Bitters was saying, "we will learn about Sturgeon's Revelation, and why it is completely false. The truth is, one hundred percent of everything is crud."

Cheery.

The door to the classroom opened and Dib turned to see Zim standing there, looking like he'd gotten a makeover from a hobo.

Dib sat up straight, his eyes narrowing. Instead of his usual dumb little pink dress and black tights, Zim was wearing a battered gray trench coat, a purple turtleneck underneath it, blue jeans, combat boots and fingerless gloves. Everything he wore was coated in a thin layer of dust and dirt. His wig was frizzy looking and tangled, like it had been run over by a truck with muddy wheels and then danced on by GIR. He was glancing around the room with obvious tension.

"Zim, you're late," Miss Bitters said. "Detention."

The Irken flinched, looked at Miss Bitters for a moment as if she was- well, from another planet, heh- but saluted. "Yes, sir." His voice was tight and lacked its usual harsh, egotistic overconfidence.

Zim sat down at his usual desk. Dib sighed and rolled his eyes to the ceiling. "Okay, Zim, what happened to you?"

Zim- assuming it was him and not some weird decoy or something- winced with his entire body. "What is this? What nonsense do you speak? Nothing has happened to me! I look just like I did yesterday!"

"What's with the clothes?"

"What clothes?"

"And why are you all dirty?"

"I am not _dirty!"_ Zim snapped, slamming his hands down on top of the desk. "I'm cleaner than anyone in this room, especially you and your horrible _head!"_

"You're smearing dirt all over your desk!" Dib countered.

Zim looked down at the surface of his desk, where he had indeed left slight grime traces when he touched it. He blanched. "Gah!" He started trying to rub the dirt off his arms.

Dib folded his arms over his chest. "Now, am I going to get an explanation or do I have to break into your base later and pummel it out of you?"

Zim grew even paler, which made the smudges on his face even more obvious. He looked like a homeless bounty hunter. Or maybe a little kid dressed up as one for Halloween. "NO! STAY AWAY FROM MY BASE!"

"SILENCE!" Miss Bitters roared. Dib flinched. "Both of you! Detention this weekend! And not another sound from either of you!"

Zim huddled down in his seat, baring his teeth in a grimace. His arms were tightly wrapped around his body. He looked thin and haggard and frightened.

Dib started taking notes.

_12:08 PM_

Dib was intending to charge across the cafeteria to dramatically confront Zim the minute they were let out for lunch, but that wasn't going to work out... because when Dib finally escaped the lunch-hour crowd and got some space to himself, he discovered Zim right behind him. Right behind him. Breathing down his neck. No- no, literally. Dib could literally feel the alien's breath on the back of his neck.

Dib whipped around, so suddenly that Zim staggered backwards with a look of surprise. "What are you doing, Zim?"

Zim rolled his eyes to the ceiling, apparently trying to look innocent. "I'm not doing anything. I'm just standing here."

"For crying out loud, you're standing _right behind me!"_

Zim's eyes darted back and forth. His whole body was tense. "You don't own the skool, Dib! I can stand wherever I want!"

Dib's eyes narrowed. "You're going to stick something on me, aren't you?"

Zim tipped his head back, trying to look haughty, but Dib could hear his fast breathing. "Like what?"

"I don't know, a tracking device!" Dib had known his hated nemesis long enough to instantly recognize that the light going on in his freaky fake eyes meant 'Hadn't thought of that. Sounds like a good idea.' "Don't you dare, Zim!"

Zim shook his head a little, as if he'd been lost in thought. Man, he was annoying! "Dare what? Oh." He scowled. "I wasn't planning to lay a finger on your filthy little head. Not everything is about you, Dib-filth."

Dib's eyes narrowed. He stared into Zim's eyes, picturing little beams of hate going into the alien's mind and cooking it from within.

Zim pulled away, frowning, and opened his mouth, feeling his teeth with his tongue and then licking his thumb and rubbing it over his face. It left smudges in the dirt.

Dib rolled his eyes. "You know what, I'm going to eat my lunch," he said, and took a seat next to Gaz, who didn't look up. Dib took a spoonful of mashed potatoes and was about to eat it when he felt a strange chill and glanced over to see Gaz had opened her eyes and was staring across the table... at Zim, who was sitting there, wringing his hands. He hadn't bothered to get a tray.

Dib slammed his spoon down on the table. "What do you want, Zim?"

"Whaaat? I'm eating!" Zim protested.

"You don't even have a tray! Oh my gosh! What is your _problem _today?" Suddenly it all clicked into place- the dirt, the sloppy clothes, the cringing. Dib grinned. "Ha! You're locked out of your base, aren't you?"

"What?" Zim blinked a few times. "No. Whatever gave you that idea?"

Dib kept going. "You're locked out of your base and you want me to break you back in!"

Zim slammed his fists down on the table, startling Dib slightly. "Don't go anywhere _near _my _base!"_

Dib considered this, and then he grinned. "Oh, so you don't _want_ me near your base."

Zim bared his teeth. "Oh, yeah, way to pick up on _that _one, Dib! Irk! You're _infuriating! _Were you always this _infuriating?_"

Dib opened his mouth to speak but Gaz talked over him. "Of course he was,"she grated. One eye was still open and fixed on Zim. "Why are you at my _table?"_

Zim turned to look at her, scowling, and then his eyes went wide. He stared at Gaz as if he'd never seen her before. "Gazlene?"

Gaz flushed slightly and she stared even harder. Her hands tightened on the edge of the table. "Don't. Call. Me. That!"

Zim's eyebrows furrowed. "But it's your name."

"My name is _Gaz!"_

"Oh... that's _right," _Zim said, as if he was just remembering something. He leaned on the table, propping his cheek in one hand and looking at Gaz as if she was something unusual and intensely fascinating. "Gaz..."

Gaz pulled away, looking unsettled. Dib's eyes narrowed. "Why are you talking to my sister?"

"Your what?" Zim said. Then he jerked in surprise and looked from Dib to Gaz, wide-eyed. "Oh, she is! She _is_ your sister!" He started laughing. Dib pulled away. "She's your sister!" He put his hands over his face, laughing hysterically. Other children in the cafeteria didn't look

"She's your _sister," _Zim said again, slumping onto the table with his face buried in his arms and his shoulders shaking. He continued to laugh for a few minutes in a strange, broken manner, and then he went quiet. He was trembling.

Dib and Gaz looked at each other. For once, they were in agreement on something, it seemed.

They both got up, slowly, and left the cafeteria.

_12:32 PM_

The cafeteria table felt cool and smooth on his face. That was nice. He was uncomfortably warm, the coat he was wearing was made for chilly Altera 4 weather, not for Earth spring. He was loath to take it off because where he came from, if you put something down, someone else would pick it up. And his Pak was full to capacity.

"Zim."

It was a husky voice, growling directly into the ear on the left side of his waist.

"Yes," he said in a low, dull tone.

"What is your _problem?" _

Zim said nothing. Even he knew that hadn't exactly gone perfectly.

"ZIM!" the voice snapped, loud enough to hurt.

Zim's words came on in a detached rush. "I thought it would be more prudent to simply reveal my presence. After all, if he noticed me shadowing him it would make him much more concerned than if I just-"

"ZIM!"

He adopted the closest attitude to meekness that he was capable of. "Yes, sir." There was no point in explaining himself to this woman, he wasn't sure why he tried.

There was no mercy in her voice. "You didn't follow my orders."

"Of course I did!" Zim mumbled into his arms. "To an extent. I'm here, aren't I? I was an Invader, I'm fully capable of functioning on my-"

"ZIM!"

He saluted. "Sir!"

"You're dead."

Ah, it wasn't the first time she'd said that. He waved one hand dismissively.

The voice was low and biting. "You told us you could _do_ this."

Another voice, nasal and irritated, replied on Zim's right side. "He tells us he can do _everything!_ He's insane, Gazlene. I knew this mission should have gone to Skoodge."

Zim snorted aloud. Pff. Skoodge.

"Shut up," Gazlene replied. She never defended her decisions. (Or Zim, for that matter.) "And you! Irken!" Zim jumped a little. "Why aren't you following _Dib?"_

"Oh, uh- he was getting suspicious!" He nodded furiously. "Yes, extremely suspicious, so I-"

"He's always suspicious of you! GO FIND HIM!"

Gazlene's orders were to be obeyed. Immediately. Zim got up and headed off through the cafeteria, head lowered. Stinking humans.


	2. Zim Screws Up His Mission

A/N: This is the new chapter. Uh, there's some... stuff in here that will be explained later, enjoy?

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**3/21/03**

_3:29 PM_

Dib shoved his hands into his pockets. There was lint in there. Also a button. He pulled it out and looked at it. It was an ordinary button- nothing supernatural about it. He didn't know why he had it, though, and this jacket didn't even have buttons. Maybe it wasn't such a normal button!

Gaz was still glaring at him. He gave up and turned towards her. "What?"

"Your alien is following us!"

"He's not my alien! That implies that he's just my problem. He's everyone's problem, Gaz, he's the whole world's problem!"

"He is staring at me!"

Dib glanced over his shoulder. Zim was hanging back behind them, wringing his hands. And yes, he was casting furtive glances at Gaz. He wasn't really staring, but that wasn't important. He shouldn't be looking at her at all.

"Hey!" Dib called. "Get lost!"

Zim threw his head back. "This is a public sidewalk, Dib. I can walk on it if I want to."

"You're two feet behind us! And stop looking at my sister!"

Zim's jaw jutted forward. He studied the space in between Dib and Gaz. "You're certainly very _friendly _with her today."

Dib threw his hands into the air. "What are you talking about? We walk together after school every day!"

Gaz stopped in her tracks and whirled around, fist at the ready. "Zim, if you do not back off, I will make you back off permanently. And I'll keep a piece of your face as a souvenir."

Zim backed up a few steps.

Dib shook his head and turned away. "Gaz, I told you to start carrying a water bottle. That way if he bothers you, you can just squirt him and he'll go away."

She grunted. Dib wouldn't press the issue too hard, since he'd forgotten his own spray bottle in his desk.

They turned the corner. Their street was in sight now. Zim wouldn't be allowed into the house. He usually didn't even try to get inside.

There was a van parked in the driveway. "Huh," Dib said. "Is that a mail truck?"

"No," she said.

"What is that? Maybe Dad is having someone over to-"

Something clamped around Dib's neck. He screamed and another something covered his mouth, something warm that smelled cloyingly, sweetly chemical.

Gaz turned and viewed him with disdain as he was pulled backwards along the sidewalk. It was an arm around his neck. A skinny arm. He dug his fingernails into it.

"Zim, let go of him," Gaz said. "This is getting annoying."

"Nope! Gotta kidnap your brother! You'll understand someday!" Zim didn't even have the decency to sound gloating or dramatic- he sounded rushed, like kidnapping Dib was just some errand he wanted to be over with. What a stinking jerk!

Dib kicked out behind him. He connected with some bony part of the alien. He was hoping for a more squishy and painful target, but Zim did at least yelp in pain. He didn't let go, though. He tightened his grip on Dib's throat.

A series of metallic clicking sounds rang out. Zim's Pak. Dib was pulled up into the air, where he couldn't get traction to try to run away. He'd just been about to try running away, too!

Something slid around Dib's waist. A sticky, dry, glue-smelling substance oozed over his face. He grunted.

"Gross!" Gaz said.

Dib had always wondered how Zim abducted human victims. He'd always been brought to the base while sleeping or unconscious before. He had always assumed some kind of mechanical means was used.

Dib was now in a sack of some kind of silk netting, with a gag of the same material over his mouth. He was shivering from heebie-jeebies.

This webbing was probably generated from his Pak! Yeah, that was probably it!

It smelled like Zim's skin- burningly artificial and stinging Dib's throat. Disgusting. He kicked at the webbing to no effect.

"Where are you taking him?" Gaz asked. "To that dumb underground lab thing?"

"Uh..." Zim was breathing heavily. "Do not ask me these questions! I am leaving now."

Gaz shrugged and turned away. "Have fun at your friend's house, Dib."

Dib could make only muffled noises of protest in reply. He pulled at the webbing. It was stretchy and strong. He'd heard somewhere once that a spider's web was proportionally stronger than steel. Irken silk was probably about the same, only chances were good it was mechanically augmented too.

"Oh, wait," Zim muttered. Something cold pressed against Dib's neck.

_3:43 PM_

Dib was now unconscious and quiet. He no longer kicked or struggled, allowing Zim to haul him to the roof of the nearest building, somewhat out of sight.

Zim's comm link was buzzing. He would answer it later. He knew that whoever was on the other end of the buzzing would only tell him that he had not followed the plan. Zim already knew he had not followed the plan. He had made a new plan in response to the circumstances. It was a good plan!

His plan had required a lot of webbing and had made him a little tired and probably dehydrated and his arms were killing him, but it had worked. He had safely acquired Dib. He would now find a secure hiding place, and Gazlene would be too impressed to say much.

He would have been doomed if the past version of her had taken issue with the kidnapping. She was so much smaller back then! Er, back now! She was just Zim's size. That would not have made her less formidable as an opponent, however.

Where could he hide? Zim let his gaze wander over the surroundings. He recognized them, though not in a very specific or detailed thought way. He doubted he could navigate this place very well if called on to do so. He had only lived here for three years, after all.

But in another way he knew this area quite well, in an unpleasant inside feeling way. If he were to be absolutely truthful, it made him feel a little... homesick, he thought was the right word. Maybe. He'd never really considered that before. Of course, this was no time to sit and be distracted by feelings-

His breath caught in his throat. Wait. Home. He had a home! A safe home! And it was nearby!

_3:48 PM_

Zim dragged the human child down his front walk. The weight of Dib pulled his muscles until they were sore, making his arms burn even more than they did already. Even in an unconscious state Dib was troublesome. If Zim were not in such a hurry he might just drop the human on the ground and kick him.

He was surrounded by ugly lawn ornaments, many of which were disguised weapons. He now recalled that those weapons had been known to misfire. He swallowed.

Nothing happened as he stepped onto the front step- nothing but his palms becoming sweaty.

There was a restroom sign on his front door. That must have been placed there as a prank. Surely Zim would have known that didn't go there... certainly he would have. Yes, this must be a joke. Probably a joke by Dib.

He raised a fist to knock on the door and noted that the fist was trembling slightly. From exertion, not nerves, of course. All right, both. He had a flippy feeling in his guts. He hadn't been inside this base in a long time. It was normal to be nervous. Since he was a hardened Invader, his nerves would not affect his actions.

What would be inside? A soft couch... and enough valuable equipment to do nearly anything. So much equipment. And all of it standard issue, and most of it somewhat outdated, as he recalled. It had seemed less than he deserved back then. But now...

Zim was beginning to feel clammy. Why, there would be food in there, too! As much as he wanted, even. And he could bathe...

Who would answer the door? GIR, yes? Zim had seen him this morning. His throat ached slightly. GIR had not met a good end, but now he would be all right, why... he would probably be waiting for Zim back in the present! Er, the future! Whatever.

He pounded on the door.

An Irken opened it.

Zim jerked backwards.

The Irken scowled at him. He was on the short side, a couple of inches or so shorter than Zim, and had big eyes and a little pouty mouth. He was decked out in a full Invader's uniform, the version of the uniform that had a black underlayer, and he smelled healthy and well-fed and clean.

Zim was quite certain that he had never seen this person before.

The strange Irken withdrew inside with a slam of the door, and re-emerged with a plasticy wig and contact lenses on. "Greetings, neighbor," he said in a shrill, hoarse voice that dripped with a politeness fake enough to strip paint, "how may I help you today?"

"But this is my house-" Zim said. He bit his tongue.

The other Irken squinted at him. "No it isn't."

But...

"This is _my_ house," the other Irken insisted.

"You live here?"

"Yes!"

Zim felt a sudden, strong misgiving. "But then, you must be..."

The other Irken squinted. "Hmm?"

"That would make you..." Zim put his hand to his forehead. "No, of course not!"

"What are you talking about?"

Zim did recognize that face and voice now. He had seen them on TV and in photographs, and on posters sometimes, and in Dib's databases, and...

But that couldn't be him. He was so young and so soft.

"You're out getting supplies," Zim said.

"I've returned!" the other Irken said, with an angry fake patience. "Now you should go."

The door slammed.

"Wait!" Zim thumped on the door. "Wait! Open this door, soldier!"

"Henh?" The door opened a crack and an eye peered through it. Zim recognized that he was wearing the same contact lenses as that Irken. Well, of course he was.

"Let me in!" he said. "It's incredibly urgent!"

The eye glared at him. "No! Find your own place! I mean, my parents don't like it when I talk to strangers. Now beat it!"

The door shut again.

Dib stirred and mumbled. Zim thumped the door again. "I'm telling you, you should let me in! I've brought you a hostage. It's Dib!"

"Dib?" The door was not open, the other person was yelling through it. He was loud. "You haven't caught Dib. Who are you?"

"I'm-" Zim's heart pounded in his ears. He had known this was possible. He'd been warned. How could he have made such a horrible mistake? Maybe he should leave.

"Never mind! Go away." The other voice drew away from the door. "I'm going downstairs. GIR, defend this door. There's a crazy person on the other side!"

"No!" This was Zim's home. It smelled like him. He was going inside! "Wait! Wait! _Zim! _Irken Invader Zim, open this door! Zim!"

There was dead silence on the other side. Then the door popped open.

Zim's past self squinted at him. "Who are you?"

"I am also Zim. You see-"

"You most certainly are not Zim!" The door slammed shut.

"Hey! I was talking to you!" Zim grabbed the doorknob. It wouldn't turn all the way, but it didn't feel as though it was locked, more like his other self was holding the knob on the other side and keeping it from opening.

"I don't talk to filthy, scheming liars! You're Dib, aren't you?"

"Excuse me? You dare suggest I would condescend to scheme with that- that filthy worm?"

"You don't even sound like me."

"Open this door! I command you!"

"No!"

"Zim!"

"No!"

"Open this door!"

"No!"

"I'll break it down! I'll do it! Don't test me!"

"Ha!"

Zim heard a mechanical noise, and when he followed it with his eyes, he saw that every security device in the yard was targeting his head.

"How did you get past the security system to begin with?" the other self said from beyond the door.

Zim hissed. "I'M YOU! It recognized me! As being you! I am the Zim of the future sent into the past to prevent a horrible disaster! Look, I'll explain later! All will be lost if you don't let me in right now! They're probably following me."

"I am not letting you in!" the self inside the house snapped. "How dare you claim to be Zim? There is only one! Now face a just and vicious death!"

Zim gasped and flattened himself against the door.

The security system wasn't firing. It had been prone to breaking down. Maybe Zim had caught himself in a security lapse!

Zim backed up. "No more time to argue. Hey! If you want me to leave, you're going to have to come out here and make me leave!"

The other Zim threw the door open, baring his teeth. "I told you-"

Zim grabbed Dib and shouldered his past self inside, hauling Dib into the living room.

"Hey!" the other Zim cried. "What is that? Is that Dib? You! You came here to break Dib into my home!"

Zim grabbed his own shoulders and slammed himself against the closed door. His past self blanched.

"I'm afraid I can no longer tolerate any resistance. It's been horrible to meet you," he said to himself, "but, uh..."

His web glands were completely dry, and he had had one shot with the sleep device, and that shot had been reserved for Dib.

A _clunk _rang out in his head and the floor slammed into his side. His younger, healthier, better-fed self had knocked him to the ground with one blow. Impressive. Er, inconvenient.

"Hmm." His past self rose up onto smoothly-jointed, well-maintained Pak extensions and pinned him to the ground. "Let's find out who you really are."

"Wait-"

"Computer, transport this... thing to the basement."

A glass dome slammed down over Zim and he fell through the floor.


End file.
